More Lovin’, Less Sexin’

I can’t keep up with my boyfriend’s sexual appetite! He literally wants to have sex all of the time, so much so that I feel like we don’t get to spend much time being intimate in more subtle ways, like cuddling or whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears. How can I let him know that I want us to indulge in a little more lovin’ and a little less sexin’ without having him get upset or embarrassed? I do love to have sex… but this is just too much! Sometimes less is more, you know?  Jess, New York


“Communication is a lover’s game of forever expanding words that sing of magic ways to touch a heart.”

Dear Jess,
You have asked the question we ‘experts’ love, and fear, the most. It allows us to use the C-word. Not the little ‘c’ for that part of you that rhymes with front. The big ‘C’ that means you and your boyfriend can speak with the freedom and honesty that gives expression to true-love. Communication between lovers is the ultimate game.

If you and your lover desire an extended enduring relationship he needs to understand that he is turning the joy of sex into a sweaty race to the finish. It is up to you to tell him the sprint is over. Tread slowly and remember that it was you who made yourself so available. You have already communicated to him that you love sex and ‘cuddling and whispers’ are not necessary to prepare you for intercourse. He may very well think you need constant sex to keep from roaming the streets in search of penetration prospects.

After almost forty years of providing therapy to clients through Chiropractic, Art Therapy, Sexual Surrogacy, Grief and Sexual Counseling we understand the art of the therapist, doctor, et al lies in our ability to help patients fully communicate their needs. Keep this in mind: Communication is a skill that must be constantly practiced. There is no magic door to open into a room full of beautiful phrases that perfectly describe your wants. There are hundreds of books on love-making skills. If your boyfriend is inclined to read he knows their titles and how to find them. Do not present him with a book. Do not tell him you asked for advice.

Tell him that the intensity of your orgasms is diminishing because your sexual organs have been overplayed. Tell him you need more time for soft and gentle, loving play to prepare those inner parts of you he loves so much because they are so different from his own they need to be treated differently. There are many ways to satisfy him. While performing oral and manual techniques on him go slow and let him begin to feel the beauty of hovering on the edge of orgasm.

Be assured: As he ages he will need more time between orgasms and as we boys turn into men we want to be sure that each touch and every kiss does not need to result in heart-pounding intercourse.

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