27 Year Old Married Male Explores His Feminine Side

Dear Rod and Anita,

First I would like to say that I absolutely love your blog! The perspective which you two amazing people provide in sharing your experiences has given me a great deal of strength in coming to terms with who I truly am. I am 27 and have been married for 3 years to my wife who is my greatest friend in the entire world. I have had an idea since I was in high school that I was bisexual or gay, but due to the conservative nature of my upbringing, I never in a million years would have had the opportunity to act on these thoughts or desires and to this day have not even so much as kissed another man. Last summer while studying abroad by myself I finally allowed myself to admit that I was bisexual. It was an incredible moment. I told my wife once I returned home and after the initial shock, she was incredibly supportive. I have now realized that I am not bisexual, but rather, am gay. I’ve talked about this many times with my wife, who has continued to offer her unrelenting support and love. I can honestly say that she is the only woman in the world that I am sexually attracted to, and believe me, I’ve watched DVDs, searched the Internet, and even taken many opportunities to look at beautiful women to see how I feel and I’d there is any sexual attraction whatsoever, and there is none lol. I greatly enjoy everything about the life that my wife and I have together. We have great chemistry sexually, and I am and will forever remain faithful to her. I have been finding myself since revealing that I am gay, noticing so many more men, and it’s like a light bulb has been turned on and everything going through my mind says…you are gay…embrace it. I have also known since I was a young boy that I have an incredibly feminine side and have so many times felt utterly helpless because I’ve always felt like I’m trapped in a man’s body when on the inside I am a woman. I don’t plan on having a sex change, but I find myself wanting to explore this side of myself to a much greater extent. I’ve never tried on women’s clothing or anything but it’s feeling like a desire that can’t continue to go unfulfilled. Being so happily married to the love of my life in a completely monogamous relationship is the greatest gift I could’ve ever asked for, that being said, do you two have any advice as to how I can continue to be the best husband that I can be while still embracing my true self? Thank you both so much for your time, I greatly appreciate it.
…Lovinglife


Dear Lovinglife,

There is Magic in Difference When That Difference is Shared. – Rod & Anita

Anita printed the email you sent to us and read it to me yesterday as we sat on the waterfront sipping coffee. The above line came to mind. There are many synonyms for magic; most of them describe the captivating relationship you and your wife have achieved. We have been treating, teaching and counseling clients for over forty years and you two represent our projection of sharing with sincerity that very few attain. Reaching your level of communication is the challenge of all relationships.

There is a potential for difficulty for you if you consider that other couples communicate with the openness you share or the compassion you have for each other. It is sad but most are so manipulated by society’s gender stereotyping they never get to know the true nature of their partner. We often use our phrase which you may have read on our website: Sharing fantasy is the ultimate game of secrets; not secrets between the lovers but secrets from all others.

Anita would love it if I were more like you, Lovinglife. She is fascinated with men dressed as women. I feel awkward in lady’s wear. That said: I have shared sex with hundreds of men, always and only with Anita present; as she has with women, together with me. We tend to avoid labels such as straight, gay or bi. When I studied psychology in the late sixties and seventies a well-known educator of the times used the figures: Only 10 % of humans are strictly homosexual and 10% heterosexual, the remaining 80% of us perform somewhere along a greatly varying line of sexual preference. Such sexual labels are the tools of politicians, religious fanatics and many corporations who seek control by dividing.

We entertain hundreds of men who come to us to have sex while dressed as women. Some are built like Football Linebackers with more body hair than King Kong. Some are cute as any girl and when gowned and coiffed make gorgeous ladies. Some want sex only with Anita, others only with me or with both of us. Many will merely sit dressed, ever so pretty, and watch us perform while they stare at themselves in the mirrors. Wearing female lingerie is extremely common for many otherwise conservative men. Most people would be amazed at how many men walk to work wearing lady’s panties and pantyhose under their suits.

Occasionally wives know their husband comes to us for release. Sadly, most women do not have the foggiest notion their mates love lady’s wear. We are in a sense helping them cheat. But for us the ultimate form of cheating is keeping fantasies secret from the one you claim to love.

Keep your magic flowing, Mr. & Mrs. Lovinglife

Anita and Rod

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