Q: A significant amount of negative energy surrounds the term “sex” in today’s society, notably due to its association with atrocities such as rape, human trafficking and child sexual abuse. In fact, documentaries, movies and the news ceaselessly imply that in many cases, sex is being used to harm (rather than pleasure) others. Despite all of the sexual brutality and human injustices that we as a society have witnessed, how can couples still view sex as a loving act?
A: The scope of your question is so diverse we need to break it down. For ease let us divide this universal dilemma into two expressions of humanity: Inhumanity and Kindness. Evidence of ‘man’s inhumanity to man’ is so overwhelming it forces many of us to shut out the news of the world. Poverty and wars dominated the twentieth century and today poverty continues at an alarming rate and wars never seem to end. Human trafficking is a manifestation of poverty as starvation forces many people to live in extremely vulnerable conditions that place them and their children at risk for exploitation. Human trafficking is rampant. Forced labor for adults and children far exceeds sex-trade slavery. Cheap labor has much greater profit gains than forced prostitution in societies (including our own) where street prostitutes sell themselves cheap and become vulnerable victims with little protection.
Rape and child sexual abuse commonly occur separate from poverty. These pockets of isolated inhumanity receive such massive media attention they force themselves into our consciousness until it appears as if these relatively rare occurrences surround us. Facts show that rape and child sexual abuse, and all violent crimes, are actually in decline. Thankfully these crimes, that in our grandparent’s day went largely unreported, today receive the attention they deserve. What appears to be media exploitation to sell the news is helping to solve a dilemma that has haunted humanity forever. For us to contemplate what creates the rapist and child abuser is extremely involved. For this article let us presume that the attention this problem receives exposes criminals. Granted this media exposure is depressing.
There is no greater kindness than sharing. Sex is the expression that is ours to share or decline. Sadly, children are incapable of judging what not to share beyond what parents and guardians tell them. In ten-years of sexually catering to thousands we met many clients who were sexually abused by family members or close acquaintances. We never met one who was raped by a stranger. The dark menacing rapist is the character of theater that twists the ugly anger of rape into a sexual act. It is not. ‘Street’ rape is a projection of devastating anger that, thankfully, affects very few people.
As loving humans eager to express our love through the intoxicating sharing of sex it is up to each of us to separate this loving act from the distortions of violence and poverty. Our intelligence must not be available for manipulation by political or religious needs. Morality is a conditioned response that grows from love; it is inherent in sexual expression. We feel it in our hearts when we are sexual, whether our partner is a one-night stand or a lifelong mate. Truthfully, we doubt that many couples relate to inhumanities when they are courting their sexual desires.
There is, however, an incredible potential for guilt with individuals, like ourselves, who decide for a variety of reasons to help others expand their sexuality. It is very difficult to express what we are trying to say through a media that thrives on the dark shadows of sexuality. Offering to help others build sex into an ever-expanding harmless escape is becoming much more common. But it is still an uphill battle with our mainstream media that is governed by corporate advertising that relies on gender segregation and distorted sexual teasing. While it is incredibly rewarding to help others find sexual enhancement and in turn expand their relationships we are not yet considered, completely, legitimate. Often the disguises we assume to tell our story defeats the stories we have to tell.
Sex is a basic human desire that will forever be manipulated. Guiding it toward expansion is a duty of all loving humans who wish to remain intimately free.